Welcome to the marriage vault. This is where two hearts can be secured in the love of God. If you find your relationship has been robbed by separating forces, you can have it restored by God's binding love (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12).

Have you expected something from someone and they failed at measuring up to your high expectations? Is it possible your expectations were set at an unreachable level?

On a scale between 1-10, what is your expected number you think others should be in agreement with? Some have heard the saying, "You can't squeeze blood from a stone."

How many times have you heard those in a turbulent relationship, "What do you want from me?" Is it reasonable to ask that of someone? Is it ok to pressure someone to rise to another person's standard?

Have your expectations changed since you married your spouse? Were your expectations lower while you were dating your spouse? In a marriage, expectations can involve trust, hope, anticipation, and attitude.

Expectations are basically the realistic standards you and your spouse set with each other. But every couple has different expectations for their relationship.

For example, you expect your spouse to not compare you to past relationships you had with others. You do, however, expect your spouse to appreciate their efforts in something they needed to get done at home.

Couples should recognize the difference between unrealistic and realistic expectations. Placing impossible expectations on a spouse robs them of long-term happiness and sets the stage for criticism and contempt.

Outlandish expectations can be dangerous because an expectation is an idea that you should have something. Therefore, when that thing doesn’t come, you're left feeling unsatisfied and disappointed.

Expectations can be set too high or too low, reasonable or unreasonable, good or bad. The Bible speaks of expectations of redemption (Romans 8:19). Of judgment (Hebrews 10:27). Of delayed expectations (Proverbs 13:12).

It speaks of realized expectations (Proverbs 13:12). And unrealized expectations (Proverbs 11:7). Jesus told us to expect his return (Luke 12:40). But the key to marital expectations is found in direct communication with God.

The Holy Spirit can help you both discern, and understand what expectations are reasonable for each spouse to meet and fulfill towards one another. Remember, expectations are not always correct.

Why? because outside of God, our flaws can show up. Remember when Rachel envied Leah and yelled at Jacob to give her some children? (Genesis 30:1-2). Talk about unattainable expectations. Jacob loved Rachel very much.

But this expectation placed on him was in God's timing not his. In our logic and bias of hope and desire, we sometimes, “Get our hopes up” based on a false attitude connected to our faulty expectations of others.

When expectations are not met, pain ensues, and we often place blame on something or someone who did not live up to our expectations. Even if our expectations are unreasonable, we can place hard burdens on each other.

Expectations based on human assumptions can cause trouble. For example, when a man and a woman get married, they both carry expectations into the marriage. But those expectations may not be achieved.

Maybe the wife is expecting her husband to perform house duties as her dad performed. Or the husband may place undue burdens on his wife because he expects her to cook meals like his mom.

What happens when there are financial changes in the home? One spouse may resent the other based on employment expectation. Hoping in the world's job market pales in comparison to trusting in God’s provision.

Here's where spouse’s expectations should be. 5} "My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him. 6} He only is my rock and my salvation: he is my defence; I shall not be moved. Psalm 62:5-6 KJV).

Please also read together verses 7-8. And (Proverbs 23:18). The Bible should always be our source and scale to stand on expectations for each other. We should never go to the secular world for their expectations.

Since God is the author of marriage, his standard and expectations are best to keep spouses from placing impossible expectations on each other. Here are some practical expectations you can form together.

[Keep your expectations centered like the two of you balanced on a "seesaw."

1) Communications: We should not base our expectations on mere assumption (Proverbs 18:13; James 3:2). We should discuss with our loved ones what our expectations are and what theirs are.

2) Forgiveness: We should walk in forgiveness when our spouse may place unnecessary expectations upon our shoulders. We should forgive each other like Jesus forgave us. People did the same to Jesus (Luke 3:15; 19:11; 23:34).

3) Love: A great model of love to follow is the Love chapter. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7). This can greatly help you not to exceed lofty expectations against each other. Remember, all people are different.

Finally, we should continue to look to God's word for guidance (Proverbs 3:5-6). God’s word stands without fail. We can trust his promises. (2 Corinthians 1:20; Joshua 21:45; Psalm 77:8; 2 Peter 1:4).

When based on God’s word, our expectations will never fail to be met. (Psalm 19:7-10).


💍 Reminder for your marriage vault:

Remember to prepare a round table discussion room in your home. This is a place where you both can bring your one heart into the room and invite Jesus into it. Also keep two Bibles, note paper, and pen or pencil. Keep the room in soft lit lighting and always begin every conversation you have with prayer.

When you’re not in the room, always keep it locked if possible. Keep children out unless the Lord wants them in the discussion. Always remember to show kindness and respect to each other. Remember, both your hearts, are located in the same place.

Husbands day by day memory: "A women's heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek him just to find her." Real love is built on 3 things (Foundation), Love, Commitment, and Sacrifice.

Frame these words in your heart. Marriage is a picture of how Jesus loves the church and gave himself as a sacrifice for it. (Ephesians 5:23, 25). Marriage isn’t about finding the right person; it’s about being the right person.

Both husband and wife are called to be the type of people who love unconditionally, forgive continually, and serve sacrificially, just like Jesus does. Always enter into marriage with a ministry mind-set.

Remember, marriage isn’t about what you can get out of it, but what you put into it. Your relationship is about what you can give to the relationship for God’s glory. Now give wholeheartedly!